So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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