I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
im holly from the hills drunk
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
