I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
