Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
