Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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