I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
