I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
