you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
