I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
that's an acceptable place to lick
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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