Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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