in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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