maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
