You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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