And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
