Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
