The maid of honor just puked.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I still have a little drunk in my system
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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