I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
