hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
