Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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