cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
