Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
