Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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