R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
