Where did you get a picture of my penis
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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