One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
my poor anus
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
