bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
