Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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