when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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