I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
