I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
