I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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