also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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