ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
After last night, I could never be a politician.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
