so that wasnt chicken after all
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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