It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I think my moral compass just broke
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
