I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
