Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
