you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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