Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
