That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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