I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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