what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
