the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
