She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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