So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
