I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
