Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
one might say we're banned from that church
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
