Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
