I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
