yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
