yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
not ubering you a puppy
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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