I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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