Hippo gnu deer
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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