Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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