I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
