so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
